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Showing posts from November, 2012

Am I happy? Yes, but I'm also full of rage.

I was recently asked if I was happy (about having transitioned, making the change, paying the price, etc.). I wonder how many of the people who knew me before are equally curious?   One friend admitted to me that he prayed for me to fail in my efforts so I would change my mind and go back to living as a man, but that was a while ago. It's now been five years since I started to disclose to my family and friends and I was nearly paralyzed by the fear that my life would be over. I was also afraid for my marriage and hoped it would survive. It didn't. So how to answer the question? The truth is the answer is not a "yes" and it is not a "no." It is both. I have never been as at peace in my own skin as I am today, but that does not mean I am happy with life as a whole. The loss of friends did not materialize as I had feared, or I should say, it didn't happen the way I feared it would. What actually happened with old friends is that after their initial e