Hey Mister Tambourine Man
I just dated myself. How many people still remember broken records? The closest equivalent in today's parlance is when a CD player continuously goes into a digital bleep or a sound file loops.
Mister Tambourine Man has been looping in one part of my brain while in another region. I have been considering a conversation with a new friend, Alexandra Henriques, director of Generations at Qmunity, BC's queer resource center. I met her at a recent workshop at the University of British Columbia. As we were learning about each other, she shared a bit about the sensitivity training workshops she gives at Seniors' residences and care facilities. Until then, I had never really thought about aging lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender seniors and the challenges they may face when they move to one of these homes.
The reality is that there is an aging LGBT population. Contrary to popular opinion, a person's sex drive and need for companionship and affection don't suddenly go dormant when one turns sixty-five. The other reality is that for those who are part of that demographic today, their orientation and gender identity were, in all likelihood, suppressed and kept deep in the closet, thanks to the times in which they grew up and lived when everything was taboo. And now, they find themselves isolated and living in an environment that offers little support and opportunity to be themselves. If loneliness and the sense of abandonment are not already some of the consequences of old age, they are compounded for LGBT persons.
Some facilities have well-meaning rules and policies concerning acceptable behavior, visitation rights, who to call in an emergency, and who is next of kin. Often these policies are biased and prevent same-sex partners from having access to their friends, and the activities offered are based on heterosexist models. Alexandra hopes to change this, one facility at a time, as staff and administrators are educated and enlightened. After all, how else can you deal with the seventy-four-year-old man who insists on wearing nothing but dresses or the senior woman who wants her "best friend" to be allowed to cuddle with her in bed? How else to ensure staff doesn't overstep their authority or jump to conclusions, suspecting diminished mental capacity when they witness "unusual" behavior?
As I said, I had never thought about these issues and the potential complications aging LGBT persons face when it becomes necessary for them to live in a Seniors facility. It made me feel a bit nervous about my future. I suppose what gives me hope is that for the people entering this age group in the next few years, their experience has not been marked by suppression, and they have been living and surviving out of the closet and are comfortable in who they are. Hopefully, as well, the care facilities and residences will have also been infused with staff who, if they are not LGBT themselves, will be attuned to the needs of their residents.
One exciting outcome of meeting Alexandra is the possibility of working with her to provide transgender-specific workshops and exchange information between the two of us so we can make our respective presentations more effective. And that is a good thing.
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