Journey to Myself

I have three reflections, as I refer to them, that intertwine with my journey as a transgender person. The first one was sparked upon hearing about the tragic loss of another trans person in January 2014. A year later, in January 2015, a moment of clarity enveloped me one serene Sunday morning. The third emerged through my contribution to a special issue dedicated to Trans Lives, featured in the New York Times in September 2018.

Because calmness is precious to me

While I don’t consider myself a poet, and writing presents its challenges, there are moments when inspiration strikes, compelling me to articulate the emotions deep within my heart. At times, the words flow with ease, yet, more often than not, I find myself wrestling to capture the essence of my thoughts. It may require numerous attempts before the precise expression emerges.

Recently, I embarked on a project to weave together the varied themes from these three reflections into a singular piece. 

Journey to Myself

In the quiet before dawn’s light,

I faced the mirror, seeking sight.

A visage blurred by time’s cruel jest,

Yearning for the calm within my chest.

With every dawn, I dared to dream,

Of a world kind, not as harsh as it seemed.

Through whispered fears and silent tears,

I walked the path of countless years.

The chrysalis, once tightly bound,

Became the space where hope was found.

From shadowed pasts and whispered doubts,

Emerged a truth, both bold and stout.

I peeled away the layers, thick,

Each one a mask, a heavy brick.

Beneath the facade of yesteryears,

Lay the essence of my fears.

But with each layer shed, I found,

A strength within, and most profound.

A spirit fierce, a heart reborn,

A light that shone both bright and warm.

In the reflection now, I see,

The person I was meant to be.

Not bound by shadows, nor by pain,

But free to live, love, and attain.

Through anxious and confusing times, 

I’ve come to find a truth sublime;

I’ve made peace with all my past, 

resilience is what I now find. 

For in the flaws, the cracks, the scars,

Lies the beauty of the stars.

A tapestry rich, woven tight,

With shards of darkness and shafts of light.

So here I stand, in light of day,

On a landscape shaped by the fray.

My heart, my soul, forever free,

To be the truest form of me.