When the Authenticity of One Means Collateral Damage for the Rest
Image: Screenshot–Cosmopolitan
As a trans woman who is trying to exist within the margins of acceptability so as not to give ammunition to anti-trans snipers, here is my concern with entertainer Jonathan Van Ness:
Jonathan Van Ness (JVN) is undeniably a trailblazer—authentic, unapologetically visible, and a beacon of self-love for many. Their bold embrace of identity and willingness to challenge gender norms is admirable. However, as someone navigating a world rife with anti-trans rhetoric, I wrestle with the unintended consequences of JVN’s public persona.Before you accuse me of caving into some sort of heterosexual or binary assimilation, let me clarify: my choice to live within the margins of acceptability is not about appeasing detractors or denying authenticity. It’s about recognizing how public perceptions are weaponized against our community. Every exaggerated stereotype or harmful narrative strengthens the arsenal of those who seek to harm us. My concern isn’t just about self-preservation; it’s about protecting trans youth who deserve to live authentically without fear of rejection, bullying, or violence.
Highly visible figures like JVN, though undoubtedly courageous, risk reinforcing the caricatures that anti-trans activists use to marginalize us. Their flamboyance and outspoken nature—while a genuine expression of self—can become a lightning rod for negative stereotypes that are unfairly projected onto the entire trans and gender-nonconforming community. For those of us who live quieter, more subdued lives, these stereotypes often add to the burdens we already face.
The issue isn’t with JVN’s expression of self—it’s with the way their visibility can inadvertently overshadow the diversity within our community. In a world eager to simplify and stereotype, figures like JVN become proxies for all trans and nonbinary people, creating skewed narratives for those who don’t understand the vast complexity of our identities. This can make it harder for trans women like me to simply exist without being seen as extreme, even when we’re just living our lives.
This isn’t to say that JVN should change who they are. Their authenticity and courage are essential in a world that often stifles individuality. But it highlights a tension many of us in the trans community feel—the balancing act between visibility and respectability, between individuality and collective responsibility.
I don’t begrudge JVN, their platform, or their joy. I only wish there were more nuanced representations of trans and gender-nonconforming people in the public eye. The world needs to see that we are as varied and multifaceted as any other group of people. For every Jonathan Van Ness, countless others are living quieter lives, contributing in ways that may not grab headlines but are no less significant.
Ultimately, my critique is not about JVN but about the cultural tendency to flatten trans experiences into a single narrative. This erasure of nuance fuels misconceptions and feeds anti-trans rhetoric and fear. Where do you think the minds of parents will go when their child says to them, “I am trans"?
By amplifying a broader range of voices within our community, we can challenge stereotypes and create a world where all of us—bold and brash, quiet and contemplative—can exist authentically without fear of judgment or harm.
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EDITORIAL RESPONSE TO COMMENTS ON THIS POST ON FACEBOOK:
Thank you to everyone who has engaged with my post. The conversation has been passionate, thoughtful, and meaningful, and I’m grateful for the chance to reflect and respond.
I wrote this post with my experience as a Trans LifeLine operator in mind. During those 18 months, I spoke to so many trans and nonbinary people who shared heartbreaking stories of rejection, misunderstanding, and hostility from their families, schools, and communities. These callers weren’t looking for bold representations or social media influencers — they were desperate for empathy, understanding, and a sense of safety. That perspective shaped my original post and my thoughts about how we, as a community, show up in the world.
I realize now that I could have communicated my thoughts more clearly, and I’d like to address the points of criticism raised in the comments:
- Respectability Politics and Representation:
Some of you pointed out that my post might have unintentionally supported respectability politics or suggested that people like Jonathan Van Ness (JVN) make life harder for binary trans people. That was never my intention. My concern is how society often fixates on the most visible or unconventional members of our community and uses those images to fuel harmful stereotypes. I can see, though, how my words might have come across as critical of JVN’s authenticity, and I regret that. - Focusing on JVN:
It’s clear that JVN’s visibility provides important representation, especially for AMAB nonbinary people, who are often underrepresented. I absolutely agree with that. My intention wasn’t to critique JVN personally but to reflect on how public figures are often considered symbols for entire communities. In hindsight, I realize this approach may have placed too much focus on them rather than the larger issues I was trying to explore. - On Respectability vs. Authenticity:
I was told I should be clearer about the fact that I don’t believe in conformity for the sake of acceptance, nor do I think anyone’s right to live authentically should be limited. But I believe we have a collective responsibility to think about how our visibility impacts the most vulnerable in our community, especially young people still finding their way. Society’s tendency to oversimplify and sensationalize trans and nonbinary identities makes it harder for many of us to live safely and authentically. For example, when I first came out 17 years ago and told them that one day soon I would start living as Lisa, I remember people asking if was going to look like a drag queen or one of the “shemales” Jerry Springer sensationalized on his show in the nineties. That was their only frame of reference for a trans person. So, it’s not hard to see how a limited representation in the media can lead to unhelpful stereotypes. Perhaps I should have shared this personal experience in the post above. - Moving Forward with Empathy and Solidarity:
I appreciate those who reminded me that respectability politics is a trap and that the responsibility for fighting prejudice lies with those who perpetuate it, not us. I also agree that we need to amplify a wide range of voices in our community — from those who are bold and brash to those who are quieter and more understated. Showing our full diversity helps dismantle harmful narratives and creates space for everyone to live without fear or judgment.
Thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts and held me accountable. These conversations are important for our growth as individuals and as a community.
With gratitude,
Lisa
