LISA SALAZAR — BLOG

Surprise! I don't know. Here is the thing. I have been living in Vancouver since June 23, 1973. In October 1974, I married the most amazing young woman. I met her in California in December 1971 at a Bible study. In 1976 we started a family and raised three sons; we were married for thirty-seven years.  For all those amazing years, my purpose was to be the best husband and father I could be. I'm not deluding myself by thinking I did a pretty good job, yet I know I could have done better. The reality that stares me in the face today is that I am single once again, and this causes me to feel unmoored most of the time. When one has spent such a long time together with your best friend, it is easy to take how that person completes you for granted. When a relationship ends, I have been told a thousand times it can be as traumatic and painful as experiencing the death of a loved one. Sometimes death would have been preferable to divorce; at least there is a sense of finality, but whe...

I n preparation for a workshop I will be giving in January, I took a survey of transgender persons to quantify how well they have been accepted. The results were sobering, but not entirely surprising. The reality seems to be that we humans adapt much easier to strangers than to those with whom we have a history. As the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. Even Jesus experienced this when He tried to minister among his own family and neighbors. In a recent survey that I took I asked trans persons to rate how well they had been accepted/affirmed by three groups: family, old friends and acquaintances, and new friends and acquaintances. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 was outright rejection and 10 was unconditional acceptance, the results were, well, disappointing.  Families scored 5.7 (the ratings were spread across the spectrum), Old Friends/Acquaintances were rated at 4.9 and new F/A rated the highest, at 8. This helps explain why so many trans persons have foun...

The comments I make in response to stories I read are gone from my mind once they get posted. Every once is a while I stumble across one of these comments and I surprise myself...I wrote this? Here is one example; it's something I wrote about a year ago: … Mr. Smid's post from this morning and his comment about feeling kicked in the gut resonated with me. My friend Kathy Baldock (canyonwalkerconnections.com) notified me about a comment made about me by Micheal Brown, author of "A Queer Thing Happened in America" in an recent interview. He said, "A husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church and should be willing to die for her sake." This was my obligation, but I failed as a husband when I chose to transition, according to him. For the most part, I concur with this statement, for it is what I did to the best of my ability for thirty-seven years in my attempt to deal with my medical condition. I am grateful for having had the grac...

I have not been in front of a video camera very often, to be honest,  hardly ever.    So when I got the email from OnMyPlanet.ca that the video they shot of me last summer was ready for viewing, I took a deep break and clinked on the link. Here it is. The folks at OnMyPlanet.ca have been creating short videos of LGBTQ persons sharing their stories. Check out their site to view the other videos. Will you comment and/or share this post?  (thank you!)

I was recently asked if I was happy (about having transitioned, making the change, paying the price, etc.). I wonder how many people who knew me before are equally curious?    One friend admitted that he prayed for me to fail in my efforts so I would change my mind and go back to living as a man, but that was a while ago. It's been five years since I started to disclose to my family and friends, and I was nearly paralyzed by the fear that my life would be over. I was also afraid for my marriage and hoped it would survive. It didn't. So how to answer the question? The truth is that the answer is not a "yes" nor a "no." It is both. I have never been as at peace in my own skin as I am today, but that does not mean I am happy with life. The loss of friends did not materialize as I had feared, or I should say, it didn't happen the way I feared it would. What happened with old friends is that after their initial expression of love and support for my decision,...

A young woman I greatly admire is Rachel Held Evans . She is an amazing author, blogger, speaker, wife, mother, and a seriously articulate progressive Christian writer and blogger who is not afraid to enter into conversations that would make many others run and hide in their little dogma houses. Earlier in September of 2012, Rachel contacted me to see if I would be willing to be interviewed as part of her popular blog series titled "AKS A…" Would I be willing to be in the hot seat for "Ask a Transgender Christian?" My new friend Justin Lee, executive director of the Gay Christian Network (GCN) and author of the soon to be released book "Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate"  suggested me as the person to ask. (In the same way, Justin is the person Rachel chose for the "Ask a Gay Christian" interview. Having followed Rachel for several months, my initial reaction to her email was disbelief and trepidation, given t...

This had been the greeting in recent letters from the Canadian Revenue Agency (CRA). I called them to complain, but though the person I spoke to was very sympathetic, she could not change the gender marker responsible for the misgendering. She could not access this option; it was above her pay grade, and she gave me another 1-800 number to call. After wading through the menu options and waiting in the queue long enough to hear the “due to heavy volumes…” blurb several dozen times, I finally spoke to a real person who listened to my request and politely informed me I had to call another government office. After another 1-800 routine that lasted another twenty minutes, I learned I had to contact another office. After over one hour of phone calls, I was finally given instructions for what I had to do.  This insignificant one-letter change could only be done by going in person to a Canada Services office, and I would need to bring my Canadian citizenship card, my passport—both of w...

September 26, 2012 — This story had been previously posted in June of 2012 but was pulled after concerns were raised over some of the details shared. The story has been edited to address these concerns and names have been left out or substituted for security reasons. ____________________ On January 2, 2011, a young Ugandan lawyer, Tom, intercepted an email addressed to the Ugandan president, prime minister, cabinet, and all elected members of the Ugandan parliament. As a political aide in the Office of Presidential Affairs, it was his job to vet emails intended for the president and prime minister. The email was sent by Lisa Salazar , a Canadian Christian transsexual. In the email Lisa voiced strong opposition to Uganda’s pending “Kill the Gays Bill” (KTGB), challenging Parliament to reject the bill and work instead towards the protection of human rights for Uganda’s sexual minorities. That night after work Tom sent Lisa a private message from his home computer. He related ...

The headline reads: "Tea party radicals paralyzing U.S., GOP veteran says." The story is about the longest-serving Republican, Richard Lugar, who got bounced for being too moderate. Lugar is critical of the Tea Party’s influence in the GOP, which can be summarized as a purge of anyone who would dare compromise with the democrats, further polarizing American politics. For his part, Lugar has a record of working for the best of the country, even if it means making compromises to get things done, which is not an unreasonable and unrealistic position to have. I have always been somewhat dismissive of anyone labeling a person or group (political, religious, or otherwise) as “scary.” I’ve heard liberally minded persons call conservatives “scary,” and I’ve listened to conservatively minded call liberals the same. What bothers me about such labels is how they can sabotage intelligent dialog. Saying we fear the “other” is an admission that we don’t understand, and as we all know, fea...

Enough is Enough.  We live in a world with a deep need for repair, full of people born into or with many difficulties they never chose for themselves.  Whether it be same-sex attraction or gender identity, or any one of the thousands of things we humans struggle with, it behooves us to be radically involved in building up rather than tearing each other down—and to do it out of love and respect for the person, without judgment and condemnation.  Scott Lively has made it his mission to tear down and incite fear and to do so with discredited studies and sources to bolster his theories, which he peddles as the gospel truth. If Intolerance and discrimination were not enough, bullying and even death are the fruit of his labors; we need to go no further than Uganda to see the negative impact Mr. Lively's twisted teachings have made.  As a follower of Christ, I am tired of self-appointed arbiters of God who claim to speak for him and all believers. Mr. Lively's gospel is...

I share this story because I want to honor my friend Tori in recognition of her role in my life as I emerged anew.  In 1999, about the time I was being assessed and diagnosed at the Vancouver Hospital’s Gender Clinic, I made a couple of calls to a support group in the area. Their brochure listed a phone number and stated calls could be made on Thursday nights if you needed to speak to someone. Otherwise, you could leave a message, and someone would get back to you. The woman who answered was friendly and explained the group’s purpose and how one would attend their meetings and other events. Membership was reserved for those who had been vetted and approved by the membership committee. Confidentiality and security of personal information were very high on the group’s priority list. Given the group’s stated purpose was to provide a safe place for heterosexual men to cross-dress and socialize, learn from each other, and support each other, I never did follow through with joining or e...

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head, and no matter what you do, the melody or the lyrics keep playing repeatedly like a broken record?   I just dated myself. How many people still remember broken records? The closest equivalent in today's parlance is when a CD player continuously goes into a digital bleep or a sound file loops. Mister Tambourine Man has been looping in one part of my brain while in another region. I have been considering a conversation with a new friend,  Alexandra Henriques , director of Generations at Qmunity, BC's queer resource center. I met her at a recent workshop at the University of British Columbia. As we were learning about each other, she shared a bit about the sensitivity training workshops she gives at Seniors' residences and care facilities. Until then, I had never really thought about aging lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender seniors and the challenges they may face when they move to one of these homes. The reality is that there i...

The year 2011 was a challenging year for me. It marked the end of my almost thirty-seven-year marriage, making Christmas and the year-end festivities unbearable. I was most grateful to my friends, especially my immediate family, for their sensitivity and love during those difficult days. The year started on an urgent note after reading my friend Kathy Baldock’s blog post, which spurred me on to advocacy. Becoming an advocate was a new experience for me. The stories of persecution, beating, and killing of LGBTQ+ persons in Uganda were saddening and heartbreaking. Though advocating for others did not remove the sting of my own experiences, it helped me see my life in a larger context. So, what did 2012 hold in store? Concerning Uganda’s Kill the Gays Bill, as I summarized above, had stalled mainly due to international pressure, but that was small comfort, given the intensely homophobic mood of the politicians and the country as a whole. Homosexuality had been illegal since colonial time...

Unsympathetic book reviewer comes out — to my surprise! "Look, I desperately wanted to have been born female. That didn't happen and I didn't do anything about it to change that. I'm not a victim. Let me just live out my life in the physical self that I am, and just be happy with what I have. I have a family and it's no longer all about me." A few days ago I went to the Amazon.com page for my book, Transparently: Behind the Scenes of a Good Life, and was dismayed by a less than favorable review. I have thin skin, I have come to realize, but I was mostly upset about the quote above, which was his opinion of how I should have dealt with my gender dysphoria at my age. I wondered how this particular reviewer could be so harsh and insensitive, especially in view that he had over seventy reviews on books dealing with gender dysphoria and transsexualism. Surely, I reasoned, if this person has read this many books on the subject, how could he still be making this...

Interview with Author 1. Is this your first book? This is my first book. The longest document I had ever produced prior to this book was a universtity term paper! 2. What compelled you to write Transparently? Just after Christmas in 2009, the sister of one of my late brother's friend posted about her own brother's untimely death in 2007 on our high school's Facebook. I wrote her a short message expressing my condolences and she replied a few days later. She was equally saddened to learn about my brother's death in 1985, and over the next few weeks we engaged in an intense correspondence—she remembered my brother well. In her first reply, she wanted to clarify if I had attended the same high school, because she said, she had looked up all the Salazars in the yearbooks and didn't find a "Lisa Salazar." I wrote back explaining I was not Lisa at the time and told her about my gender change. This threw the doors open to all kinds of questions—she wanted...